Newly Whole Again
by Fueled By Dr. Pepper
Summary: Jasper Hale/OC one-shot. Starts out pretty frickin' sad but ends quite happily.


**A/N: I'm not Stephanie Meyer so I own nothing. This was requested on Quizilla.**

Name:Sparrow Neverline  
Looks: Long curly blonde hair, green eyes, freckles, thin,  
Personality: A little odd, compulsive liar, cold and hostile at times but usually quite nice, quirky, curious, loves to watch murder mysteries and cop shows  
Hobbies: Poker, classical ballet, sketching (Just randomness I thought I'd put in, doesn't have to be included)

"Bella."

She just stared on, her body frozen in whatever moment of horror she was reliving in her mind. She had been this way for so long, I doubted I could bring her back more and more each day.

I wanted my friend back. But I knew that the one person that could possibly heal her was far away.

And he took the person who held my heart with him.

Edward Cullen if you can read my mind from this distance, I hate you.

I grabbed her by the shoulder this time, ready to shake her and yell if necessary.

"Bella! We're going to the movies tonight with Jacob and Mike. Are you ready?"

My harsh tone was devoid of caring, I was just too tired to try differently. She winced slightly but nodded. I still had to drag her up from the couch and out to the porch. Waiting there for Mike, she puts on quite a convincing show for Jacob. She's awkward when he tried flirting. I wish she would let go and let him love her like she deserves. I just wanted my best friend to be happy.

Mike shows up soon enough and we all make our way to the theater. Being fourth wheel to this awkward love triangle, I'm just glad when Mike spews and ends up calling the long night short.

Jacob goes home after, leaving me again with Bella. I almost rejected the idea of spending the night but I figure I could push Jacob on her if I stay.

We sit down to watch a murder mystery, one of my favorites, but I can't enjoy it seeing Bella only outwardly watching the screen. I know she's back somewhere in her head, tearing herself apart asking herself what she could have done to make him stay.

I know I'm right because subconsciously, or even the few conscious times when I was alone, I did the same thing. And I didn't even have a chance to tell him.

So, no matter how much it hurt, I whispered it after I found out he was gone, "I love you Jasper Hale."

But now, I have to be strong for Bella, and I have to bring her back.

"Bella, please don't."

She turned her head slowly like it was taking all her effort not to focus on the television, "Don't what?"

I turned off the TV. I turned my body to face her.

"Don't torture yourself! Stop thinking about it, dwelling on it; day after day- just let yourself move on."

She half huffs, still not energy in her to fill it out, "what do you mean? What you call earlier? Dwelling on it?"

I shook my head, letting my caring side take over, "Bella, tonight you made a half-assed effort to get me and Jacob off your back so you could sulk some more without us calling you on it."

Silence from her end proved me right.

"Bella, believe me, I didn't want them to go almost as much as you did. But they made their choice, now you just have to live with it. Edward wanted you to move on, so this wouldn't hurt you."

All too familiar tears started flowing and I was rubbing her arm.

"You don't understand, Sparrow. How can I live knowing my life itself is what is keeping me from Edward? How can I look in the mirror knowing each and every human characteristic not only made Edward love me but made him leave? How can I feel the blood coursing through my veins without thinking about how when I spilled a bit of it, I showed all of the Cullen's exactly what made me different from them?"

Conflicting emotions filled me, I was glad Bella got some fire back but her words were so full of pain and anguish. And I couldn't help but identify with her. I never told Jasper because of all the reasons that Edward rattled off to Bella before she left.

"Bella, you can't change that on your own. I know. But you have those memories with him, to keep with you, even after he took everything else away."

I meant to think it but I whispered it, "I don't even have that."

She finally was wiping away her tears when she heard me and stopped, "What? What do you mean?"

Now I was the one blubbering, as Bella listened to my confession, "I love Jasper. I didn't want to admit it after I saw what happened to you with James but I did. I never told him, I knew you and Edward were one-in-a-million. I just can't help but wonder now. I wonder if…we would have the same great memories you had with Edward if I allowed myself to get close. Now he's so far away, and I'll never have the chance to know."

Bella broke down again and we pulled each other into a hug. In the hug, we let ourselves mourn completely for the first time. When our cheeks dried and we felt healed enough to speak, we talked about how exactly they had made us feel. Bella went first, her having the most to say.

"He had talked about my scent being like a personal brand of heroin. But it was different on my end; it wasn't just his smell or even just his looks. Those things drew me to him but once we were together, it was more than that. I felt like he had taken over everything that was me. I felt…like I couldn't be me without him. Now that he's gone, it's like I'm gone. I'm not even here right now. He was more than a drug to me but just as addicting. Now I feel like if I could just get one more 'hit', however small, I could live a little easier. But at the same time, I know the loss would just feel worse the second time around."

I nodded knowing, however selfish it was, that I felt very similarly to her. I was so quiet in what I said; I was surprised Bella had heard me.

"For me it was both the same and different. It was like putting a toy just of my reach. I could see and admire him but he could never really be mine. Then, when they left, it was like the toy was out of sight as well as out of reach. I know he's there, I can see him so clearly in my mind but even then he's farther away than before."

She just rubbed my hand with her own and we sat on the couch, too tired to keep talking but too scared to see what dreams would come haunting us.

--

Ultimately, we did sleep. Eventually we both sort of got on with our lives. I knew what was going on in La Push and I feared for Bella getting involved but it seemed like progress to me. I was just glad we had found a way to slowly get each other better.

I was waiting for Bella at her house to get back from some trip into La Push when Alice came roaring into the driveway in Carlisle's car.

"Oh, Sparrow!"

She neglected all the rules as she used her vampire speed to bound toward me and hug me.

"Alice?"

I just stood there in shock. When she pulled away, I started feeling her arms and clothes, making sure it was all real and not just a vivid hallucination. She was biting her lips like she wanted to cry, even thought we both know she couldn't. My breathing couldn't steady – I was starting to hyperventilate. She started talking about some vision she had.

"Bella cliff diving" was all I heard clearly.

Then my hearing became muddled and she ended with, "you fainting."

I nodded because I didn't have the words to say I didn't catch most of it. Then I heard a second opening and closing of a car door. I turned only slightly to see Jasper by the car.

I only got out a gasp before I fulfilled Alice's premonition.

I woke slightly, my eyes still shut, to a heated but quiet argument. I heard two masculine voices, one gruff and one smooth. They were talking about me.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm the reason she fainted. Too much at once."

Jasper, please don't leave…I need to fully wake up.

"You're exactly right. Neither of you should have come back. Bella and Sparrow were getting better without you."

Jacob, I love you like a brother, but shut up. Open your eyes, Sparrow!

"Both of you stop. Jasper, don't feel badly. She was already in shock after I ran up to her."

Alice as the voice of reason, how comforting. Wait… where's Bella?

"You didn't get to feel it. The immense pain she felt. Like reopening a deep wound. I can't do that to her. I love her so much, and this is tearing me apart."

What? What did he say? I finally found the strength to open my eyes, although trying to speak was a totally different story.

I saw Jasper hovering over me, as I was laid out on Bella's couch; my eyes drifted and saw Jacob staring him down from his corner near the front door. Finally, I saw Alice, and Bella who was clutching her like a life-preserver, not far from the couch. Bella was the only one looking down at me.

"Guys, she just opened her eyes."

She and Alice rushed over and Jacob shoved Jasper away to get to me. I still didn't have my voice but I reached out to Jasper. He hesitantly gave me his hand and I clung to it like I thought I was going to drift away if I let go. Jacob recoiled back to his corner.

Somewhere in my mind I knew, with Alice and Jasper back, he was going to be second fiddle all over again. And apparently, so did Jacob. I tried to meet his eyes but he focused on the floor, trying not to get angry enough to phase.

"Sparrow, how are you feeling?"

I tried to sit up, tried to talk, but I could only slightly shift to a semi-upright angle.

"Jake," was the first word I spoke.

He looked up and I felt Jasper's hand loosen its hold. I held tighter and smiled at Jacob.

"You know you're like a brother to me right?"

He stopped frowning and even tried to smile. He nodded.

"I should go. See ya, Sparrow, Bella," she and I gave him a look, "Goodbye, Cullen's."

He said it through gritted teeth but it was satisfying enough.

Bella and Alice went into the kitchen to catch up as Jasper and probably to give Jasper and I some space.

He tried to let my hand go but I held on, still recovering but using all my strength to grab on. He chuckled, "I'm only going to move around the couch and sit next to you."

I laughed nervously and let his hand go. He came and sat near my legs. I tried saying so many things but ended up opening and closing my mouth three different times.

"I don't know if you woke up because of what I said but if you heard it at all, I want you to know it's true. I meant every word."

My heart swelled and I wanted to smile but I couldn't help but think about what else he said.

"Even the part about leaving if you caused me too much pain? You and the others left us once. How can Bella and I be so sure you all won't do it again?"

He looked so hurt and I felt the waves of sadness that he let wash over me.

"I just don't want you to feel that pain anymore, especially if it's because of me."

I sat up completely and scooted closer.

"I only felt that pain because you left before I had a chance to admit my feelings. Before we had a chance to be "us". As long as you're with me, I couldn't possibly feel that way again."

He looked into my eyes, his own a dark sandy color, and slowly wrapped his arms around me.

"Never again will I leave you."

And that was all I needed to be whole again, for the first time in long time.


End file.
